Monday, April 14, 2025

Creative Writing #3 - Mercedes Hawks

Author's Note: This is unlike anything I would normally write, but I wanted to keep the story in the same vain as those that I remember hearing/reading online at a young age. These Creepypasta's often did not have a super strong sense of writing, but the core was the horror and believability of them. I hope I somewhat captured the essence of that here! This was a lot of fun to write and I hope you enjoy xx 


THERE IS AN ANGEL IN THE RIVERBED  


  I come from moonshine babies, born from moonshine grandparents. In the harvest seasons of my youth, I helped press peaches with my thumb in a wooden kitchen and wandered down the broken pavement to my small home tucked softly up on the hill. Where kudzu was almost trespassing, and the overgrowth of weeds swallowed my home out of sight–devouring us in its wonder and obscurity. My life was sweet by natural blackberry bushes on the hill, and the historic river that flooded every hurricane season, taking over the banks with a vigorous strength that felt an act of God. Everything seemed to be trying to eat us in the river bottom; as if life swelled too warmly in the bosom of the valley, too beautifully in the warm thigh of early autumn. There were unseen adult struggles, it was obvious by the quaintness of our home, but everyone struggled here from the pressing world around. My childhood was on the brink of heaven out there, a purgatory unreachable from the outside world.  


    There was one summer I cannot seem to forget, one that haunts me and mesmerizes me all at once. I was probably about fifteen, the ripeness of innocence flourishing deep. My first ever boyfriend had dumped me before summer, and I was friendless. In these sweltering days, I would walk across the empty main road and up the river, before stripping my clothes and dipping my naked body in the deepest part. The trees cut the sunlight in obscured shapes on the water, revealing the underbelly of the rushing goodness. I could stare for hours at the rocks tossed in slow motion, or the crawdads hiding close to the banks. There was something about being there that felt unmovable and filled with desire. Sometimes I would sit there on one of the protruding boulders with my knees to my chest, my wet hair over my arms, looking upstream. Sometimes fawns and their mothers would cross the shallow parts and look down at me, bewildered by human nakedness. The river seemed infinite and quaint all at once. When you are fifteen, these places feel sacred, only known by you, only touched by you. I would soon discover I was not the only one. In fact, I was the last human being that would ever come to visit here.  


    Let me explain. Like all angsty teenagers who despise their parents, I would purposefully spend my time outside to avoid the annoyance of their constant requests, that were not grand or impossible, but frustrating to a teen who wanted to sit and contemplate world travel. That summer, I was going to the swimming hole early in the mornings and staying there until late in the evenings. My parents knew where I was, and I was not far if they needed me, but they never came. As I look back now, I am thankful my parents did this. They knew something about life I thought I already knew, and how foolish that was. However, I wish I could go back to my little heaven and see it all one more time in that childish looking; that childish, perceived ownership of what has never belonged to a human palm.  


    One night my parents had really sent me off; something about attainable dreams and aspirations I had no desire to accomplish, which led to a door slamming and lots of tears. I had planned, in my angst, to spend the whole day at my swimming hole and stay long into the night, which I had not done before. When the morning came, I brought with me my copy of Paradise Lost, by John Milton, which I was given as a gift from my English teacher who told me to read it over the summer, which I did end up doing and I love that dense book till this day. I brought some snacks, sandwiches, and a whole thing of strawberries. A towel, some dry clothes, water. All the essentials to escape and be somewhere alone.  


    The day went about as normal. The sun was pulsing under my skin, a small rain shower came about mid-afternoon, but the green was so thick above me, nothing penetrated me. It was gone as quickly as it came. I read my book and thought about God, a lot. At the time, my parents did not enforce religion, but it was expected. I did not believe in God, or the bible. Some kid on the bus showed me a book about evolution and humans coming from monkeys, and that seemed more believable to me. I thought about my parents and their own lives, and I felt guilty about being so avoidant, but at the same time, I held feelings of betrayal from them. I ate strawberries floating on my back, naked in every way. I swam to the bottom of the hole, retrieved some sea glass and cool rocks from the caked mud. I thought maybe this place existed in other places, that this could be replicated elsewhere in its perfect wholeness and that I would find a second swimming hole in my life where I could exist forever. I did end up staying until late into that July fever, and the twinkling of the fireflies was magnificent, mirrored in the water. I remember sitting on the boulder, looking upstream at the forest, that was growing into darkness.  


    That is when I saw it.  


     Standing in the river, almost consumed by the velvet night, were two giant wings stretched across from one side of the river to the other. I froze, in complete awe, and then fear. The body was almost an open void, but I could slightly make out a figure between the two wings. The eyes of the figure were staring at me with that deer-like yearning, bulbous and engorged. I felt the sudden desire to walk towards it and fall to my knees for it, but my rising fear kept me still. I believe, if memory serves me correctly, we sat there in observation of each other for at least five minutes, though it felt like fifty. It was only when the figure began to move that I began to panic. It dropped on all fours, its wings up between the branches of the overarching trees, and it slowly wavered towards me. As it came into the light, I was petrified.  


    The thing became completely luminescent, almost beautiful in the dark, beside those infernal eyes. Until it started moving in the last ray of sun, where it became a nightmare. Its breasts were covered in blinking eyes, that winced and shook open out of agony. The legs were like a deer's–stout and gentle, while the arms were long and strangely feminine. Its stomach was non-existent, a hole of vast endlessness carved the creature. Two large antlers grew from its head like some wild, untrimmed tree. The whole body, if you can call it that, had kudzu wrapped around it. Slowly, the being came forward. I shivered sitting there, increasingly feeling as if I may die, but I could not move. The thing had me mesmerized, and I watched its slow descent down to me. As it came closer, I could see the lips, two thin twigs forming a small “ooo,” humming with the rhythm of the river. The gentle brush of the wings was oddly calming, and despite my horror, my eyes flittered as if I might fall asleep. I remember my parents' faces flashing across my mind, and I felt immense sadness thinking they might never see me again. When the creature eventually made its way into the swimming hole, its feet sunk into the mud and became eye level with me. There was nothing human about this being, but its face, surrounding its eyes, had a delicacy of an angel.  


    Before I could think, the creature pushed its forehead to my own and spoke. It is hard to recall everything the creature said, but I am going to do my best. There was a strange quality of calmness brought over me when the creature pressed their forehead to mine. It reminded me of those old stories of lighthouse keepers being taken by sirens. The creature told me it was an angel, and God had sent it here to this river bottom years ago. The angel told me it had been watching me for quite some time, stalking me from beyond the river’s edge. The angel began to rub its calloused palm within my own, never losing eye contact. And the angel continued to go on and on about some duties it was tasked with by God on Earth, that I seem to lose now when remembering, but I recall the angel telling me I had trespassed into something sacred. I was lost in the angel’s eyes; their every movement intrigued me. Those strangely sunken, yet wildly bulged eyes. They seemed to have hard lumps under the corneas, like they were about to pop. Yet there was a light so human, so innately the same as my own, dazzling there across from me that I could not resist––then there was a sharp pain in my rib cage. I broke away from their gaze and winced, harshly.  


    I was stabbed by their wrist, that had some rusted butterknife attached to it. I became frantic. I grabbed the butterknife and pulled it out, which left the angel confused. It fell into the river. I grabbed my bag and ran, naked and all, as fast as I could. The angel began to screech and tried to follow me, but they could not keep up. When I looked behind me the enormous wings were getting caught in branches and the creature seemed to lurk beneath them, their eyes glowing just below the bank. All I could think about was how badly I wanted to be home; how much I wanted to be within my parents' sight. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. The creature cried loudly but eventually fell silent after some distance. Once I got to the bottom of my gravel road, I shoved my clothes on and when I looked to the river, the angel hung in the sky like a God. Its eyes carving me out, placing me on this hill forever, before it spun itself into a cocoon and folded itself into the dark pit of its own stomach.  


    It has been twenty years since this happened, and I have not told anyone about the angel, or my swimming hole. Hell, I never even went back. I did not think anyone would believe me. The only reason I am writing this now is because something happened last night that I cannot seem to explain. I ended up moving to a smaller town not too far from my hometown after attending college, but I come home frequently to see my aging parents. Home is no longer the little house on the hill, but rather a nice suburb home closer to town. I grew up to be an editor at a small publishing press, I got married and even have two little girls. Time has seemed to erase the angel from my memory, until now.  


    I had gotten home around midnight; it was quiet besides all the small insects who keep the forest alive well into the dark hours. I was a bit delirious from exhaustion, so everything moved out of habit. When I got to my door to go in, on my door mat was a rusted, old butterknife. I had to blink several times to even believe it was there. I did not want to touch it, for the fear had already begun to fester. Where did this come from? How could this be happening? Is the angel watching me? As soon as this thought crept into my mind, I turned to the woods. The insects had gone silent. There in the cavity of foliage, were two strained, blood-shot eyes. The wings barely poking into the light of the streetlamp at the edge of my yard, but I knew. I made my way inside in a panic, my breath quickening with every lock I fastened on the door. I tried to be as quiet as possible, to not disrupt the sleeping house. I made sure to close all the blinds, lock the windows and I checked the girl's room to make sure all was well. Everything was safe inside. When my nerves were calm, I decided I had imagined it and went to bed rubbing the small scar on my side.  


    Today, all I can think about is the creature. The angel. The thing. I do not know what to call this being, but I need to get this story out there in hopes someone will believe me. I am desperate to know if someone has experienced this entity, or something similar. I am begging. I am thinking about driving by the old house later in the afternoon and walking down to the swimming hole. I need to know if this angel is real. I need to know why me. I need all the answers I can get. If anyone has seen anything like this, please let me know. I am bringing the butter knife with me; it is laying on the grass now. I hope it will bring the creature out. If anything happens, which I hope to God it does not, I will report back. Wish me luck. 

Sunday, March 16, 2025

Blog #6 (03/16/25)


 Here are some songs I listened to today, not in order: 

- Joan of Arc, Orchestral Manoeuvres the Dark 

- Polythene Pam, The Beatles

- Nothing Sweet, The Sundays 

- Not Sorry, The Cranberries 

- I Figured You Out, Elliot Smith 

- Josie, Steely Dan 

- Never My Love, The Association 

- Pearl, The Mamas & the Papas

- Jenny Wren, Paul McCartney 

- Maxine, Donald Fagen 

- Joan of Arc, Judy Collins 

- Angel, Elvis Presley 

- Saddle Tramp, Marty Robbins 

- Space Age Love Song, A Flock of Seagulls 

- Learning to Fly, Pink Floyd

- Embraceable You, Chet Baker 

I think I want to write an essay about Joan of Arc. 

A lot of 70s and 80s songs talk about her. Maybe the answer is not as deep as I want it to be. 

I don't know. I could pull strings, and I probably will. 

Why did Morrissey think he knew how Joan of Arc felt? I can tell you that my 6th grade English teacher once sent me an email telling me that Joan of Arc is alive in my blood. 

Morrissey knows nothing. 


Saturday, March 15, 2025

Blog #5 (03/15/25)

 


"Because the world is round, it turns me on." 

- The Beatles, Abbey Road 

My dad owns a near perfect cd of Abbey Road. He never listened to it. 

I listen to it often, even today I did. I wish I could follow the sun and be the sun king. 

If you know, you know. 


Friday, March 14, 2025

Blog #4 (03/14/25)


My friend invented a game called Banana. 

Every time you see a yellow vehicle, you say banana and get a point. She beat me by one point today. 

Me and my boyfriend play it sometimes and we say that if we ever see a yellow cyber truck you get an automatic five points. 

We have seen a green and red one. No banana yet. 

I should study for my psychology test I have to make up on Monday because I got sick as a dog. 

Why do we say that phrase? 

I smoked three methanol cigarettes yesterday. 

I coughed all day. 

Maybe I am sick as a dog, habitually. 



Thursday, March 13, 2025

Blog #3 (O3/13/25)


I went to see my friends new house yesterday. 

She made us chicken Caesar salads and we smoked three cigarettes in the sun. 

There were boys playing basketball across the street. We talked about her living in the city and me at college. I told her all the things I was reading, she told me she is re-reading The Awakening by Kate Chopin. 

Last time I saw her, she was re-reading The Bell jar by Sylvia Plath.

We went to get boba and onigiri. I had my sunroof down and my Eagles cd in. 

I blasted "New Kid in Town" and she looked like a bug rolled onto its back on the sidewalk while I sang my heart out. The sun was out and that was all there was, no need to talk. 

She has these tattoos that go from the bottom of her neck down to the backs of her biceps. 

In the sun, they kind of glisten. 

She has long silver hair she dyes black underneath. 

She looks metal as hell. 

I would've written this all down yesterday, but I told you, the sun was out. 

Today I am going to help another friend move around her apartment. 

It is the first time we are hanging out in a year. She is fostering seven puppies and has to finish an art project for a museum. I wore cute, matching socks because she doesn't allow shoes inside her house. 

She is very spiritual, which means she is very cool. 

I am excited to smell puppy breath and undoubtably talk about her ex-boyfriend we both dislike. 

The sun is warm again today, so I hope I get to lay in the grass. 

I know it will be itchy, I don't really care. 

There is a quote by Sylvia Plath that says: 

"In March I'll be rested, caught up and human." 

It has gained popularity this March. I guess people had a hard winter. 

At the Barnes and Noble yesterday my friend bought The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, and the older woman at the counter asked us if people our age still read Sylvia Plath. 

We told her yes and she seemed to be happy about that. She said her work is beautifully sad. 

What the older woman does not know is that Sylvia Plath is popular again because of social media. 

Every two months a new quote of hers surfaces and every bookish girl posts it on their story. 

The Fig Tree analogy reigns supremacy. 

I don't care much for the Fig Tree. I probably would've if I hadn't read it a million times already. 

When I read The Bell Jar, I was most struck by the scene when Esther points her shoes out to sea. 

"I had removed my patent leather shoes after a while, for they foundered badly in the sand. It pleased me to think they would be perched there on the silver log, pointing out to sea, like a sort of soul-compass, after I was dead." 

The scene of the beach made me weep and those damned shoes. 

I wonder what was Sylvia Plath's life and what wasn't. 

I don't want anyone to answer that. Sometimes I feel like I spoil myself of curiosity when I find out too much about an author and their life. It is like once they die, they are forever in blossom for us. 

I have seen people talk about Sylvia Plath's shoes that she was wearing when she died. 

There is a poem about it somewhere. I wish I could find it. 

Would Sylvia Plath like girls like us? 

Tuesday, March 11, 2025

Blog #2 (03/11/25)


I asked for a mug at a coffee shop for the first time. 

They put latte art inside of a little bunny. 

I tried to read more of "Silas Marner" but I got bored when Silas Marner was not the focal point. 

I guess I will try again later. 

The barista commented on my bandana and said it was sick. 

It has little cowboys on it riding horseback.

Recently me and my friend talked about the logistics of having sex on a horse. 

We came to the conclusion it seemed more fantastical and unrealistic.

She loves cowboys, so I guess sex on a horse crosses the minds of all cowgirls every once in a while. 

I would try it, maybe. It seems unethical, but daring and a bit freeing. 

If any horses are reading, or any past or present horse girls, I hope this does not offend you. 

Though, maybe, it crossed your mind too. Am I over sexualizing something again? Yes, probably. 

Is it normal to talk about having sex on a horse? I could write a killer YA romance with a sex scene on a horse and people would probably call it my best writing. 

There is a poem from Ada Limón called "How to Triumph Like a Girl" that I think of when I am sad, it goes like: 

"I like the lady horses best,

how they make it all look easy,

like running 40 miles per hour

is as fun as taking a nap, or grass.

I like their lady horse swagger,

after winning. Ears up, girls, ears up!

But mainly, let’s be honest, I like

that they’re ladies. As if this big

dangerous animal is also a part of me,

that somewhere inside the delicate

skin of my body, there pumps

an 8-pound female horse heart,

giant with power, heavy with blood.

Don’t you want to believe it?

Don’t you want to lift my shirt and see

the huge beating genius machine

that thinks, no, it knows,

it’s going to come in first." 

I actually really like a lot of horse poems, but once I heard this one preformed by Ada herself, I almost sobbed. 

Almost. 

I also like the song by the Rolling Stones called "Wild Horses" but I prefer The Sundays cover more. It is more emotional, more of what a lady horse would listen to I think. A stallion listens to the Rolling Stones one. 

I loved the movie Spirit when I was a kid. My brother has a professor that helped produce that film. 

Now people make thirst edits of Spirit and it grosses me out. I wonder how that professor feels about that. 

Truth be told I romanticize cowboys and cowgirls. My boyfriend lives on a farm, and has pushed his fist inside a heifer and pulled a baby out with a gentleness only a farm raised boy could know. 

If I saw him do this, it would probably turn me on. 

Sometimes he drives his Mee-Maws old red truck and that turns me on. I like a man that can be gentle with loved and unloved things simultaneously. 

But if I ever came in contact with a wild horse, I would lift my shirt and show them the huge beating genius machine under my skin and they would accept me and I would morph. 

 Just like those books I read as a kid called Animorphs. 

I finished my coffee and my bandana is slipping. 

I think all my life I have been waiting to change. 

Tuesday, March 4, 2025

Blog #1 (03/04/25)


Christina Rossetti poems are lingering. 

The last line of the last stanza of "A Better Resurrection" says: 

"O Jesus, drink of me."

and something about being a broken bowl in Jesus's hands and being put to his lips healed and entering him, inevitably to come out of him again, sounds like another cycle I would let myself go in. 

I showed my professor my pocket saint after discovering Rossetti had a fascination with saints during her life. She thought it was cool. 

I had to tell her I did not believe in God. 

I do not know why. 

I worry that I talk too much about religion and that someone might think I am grossly religious. 

I just like God metaphorically. 

I like the appeal of being so open that anything could enter me and have it all fall back on utter devotion to one being. 

God to me is sensual, elusive and erotic. 

Religion is blood, gore and celestial light. 

I told my professor I should have stole the pocket saint because it was $8. 

My classmates laughed. 

My professor made a point about getting arrested for the crime, I thought that seemed sacrilegious. 

I did not steal it, I bought it like a good girl would. 

After class, I thought a lot about how I wish bodies did not exist and only a thin line of my soul walked about the Earth and that is all people ever saw of me. 

I talked to my friend about a taxidermic deer head she had in her basement and she said she wants to get rid of it because she does not agree with the practice of hunting. 

I told her I would take it and use it as a decoration for lingerie too small for me. 

Then we were on Pinterest looking at house decorations. 

I found a picture of a deer head with rosemaries dangling off the antlers surrounded by crosses and Mother Mary pictures and said see! 

Underneath the deer head is a sickle. 

The last line of the first stanza of "A Better Resurrection" says: 

"O Jesus, quicken me." 

I hoped I would not seem as freakish as I felt. 

I am a broken bowl (aka girl) that cannot hold and I pray for tighter skin, sharper features and to feel my ribs when I lay on my back. 

Would God, could God, mould me into a thinner girlish thing? 

So thin, I would become ethereal? 

My only wish in life is to die beautiful, made beautiful like a taxidermic deer head used for lingerie and rosemaries.